What is the Islamic etiquette of friendship?
The scholars taught that friends shape the afterlife of the one who keeps them. They laid down the qualities to seek in a companion — and the qualities that should send one running.
10 passages from 7 books in the library
Al-Ghazali taught that one's companions shape one's afterlife, so a friend must be chosen with care. In his books on brotherhood and seclusion he urges seeking someone whose company benefits you and reminds you of Allah — 'if you forget, the companion reminds; if you remember, the companion assists' — and he holds that defending a brother against slander is an obligation of the bond of brotherhood. He recalls the Prophet's ﷺ words that he would have taken Abu Bakr as his closest friend, naming companionship in study, travel, neighborhood and faith as ties worth honoring.
Drawn from the classical sources below — in the scholars' own words.
The classical approach.
These passages are drawn from 7 books by Imam al-Ghazali, Ibn al-Qayyim, and Ibn Kathir — part of the classical Sunni tradition that carries over a thousand years of reflection on the Qurʾān, the authentic Sunnah, and the consensus of the early community. Nothing below is a paraphrase. The words are the scholars' own, translated from the original Arabic manuscripts.
11th–12th century · Ṭūs, Khurāsān
Reviving the inner life of Islam through the Iḥyāʾ ʿUlūm al-Dīn — one of the most influential works ever written in any religious tradition.
More on Imam al-Ghazali →
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"If it increases even more, it becomes closeness, and the friend becomes closer than the beloved, for love takes hold of the heart, while closeness permeates the core of the heart. Every close friend is a beloved, but not every beloved is a close friend. The variations in degrees of friendship are clear through observation and experience. As for closeness being higher than brotherhood, it means that the term closeness signifies a condition more complete than brotherhood, as understood from the saying of the Prophet, peace be upon him: "If I were to take a close friend, I would have taken Abu Bakr as a close friend, but your companion is the close friend of Allah.""
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"Abu Bakr was brought closer to the eligibility for closeness had there been room for sharing in closeness, as indicated by his saying, "I would have taken Abu Bakr as a close friend. The Prophet, peace be upon him, was the beloved and the close friend of Allah, and it was narrated that he once ascended the pulpit joyfully, saying, "Verily, Allah has taken me as a close friend, just as He took Ibrahim as a close friend, so I am the beloved of Allah, and I am the close friend of Allah Almighty.""
14th century · Damascus, Syria
Madārij al-Sālikīn — the classical map of the spiritual journey — and a vast body of work on the soul, love, the traps of the ego, and the nature of the heart.
More on Ibn al-Qayyim →
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"It was a status held by two truthful friends, peace and blessings be upon them. These two are Ibrahim and Muhammad, as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, Indeed, Allah has taken me as a close friend Khalil, just as he took Ibrahim as a close friend. In another authentic narration, the Prophet said, If I were to take a close friend from the people of the earth, I would have taken Abu Bakr as a close friend, but your companion is the close friend of Allah."
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"the people of the earth, I would have taken Abu Bakr as a close friend, but your companion is the close friend of Allah. Additionally, he stated, Indeed, I declare absolution from every close friend concerning his friendship. When Ibrahim asked for a child and was granted one, his heart became attached to this love. Allah, being jealous for his close friend, did not want any place in Ibrahim's heart for other than him."
11th–12th century · Ṭūs, Khurāsān
Reviving the inner life of Islam through the Iḥyāʾ ʿUlūm al-Dīn — one of the most influential works ever written in any religious tradition.
More on Imam al-Ghazali →
· Provenance →
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"Etiquette with Brothers and Friends Regarding brothers and friends, you have two responsibilities, the requirements of companionship and friendship. Firstly, seek out the requirements of companionship and friendship. Only choose suitable individuals for brotherhood and friendship. The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, A person follows the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look to whom he takes as a friend."
11th–12th century · Ṭūs, Khurāsān
Reviving the inner life of Islam through the Iḥyāʾ ʿUlūm al-Dīn — one of the most influential works ever written in any religious tradition.
More on Imam al-Ghazali →
· Provenance →
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"If renting, clearly inform the renter of everything you intend to carry and ensure their consent. The second section concerns companions: Seek a righteous companion who loves goodness and aids you in it. If you forget, the companion reminds; if you remember, the companion assists; if you hesitate, the companion encourages; if you are unable, the companion strengthens; if you feel constricted, the companion provides patience."
14th century · Bosra, Syria
Monumental history Al-Bidāyah wa al-Nihāyah, the world's most widely read Qurʾanic commentary, and the classical Stories of the Prophets.
More on Ibn Kathir →
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"Amr and ibn Masud from the messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, who said, O people, indeed, Allah has taken me as an intimate friend, just as he took Abraham as an intimate friend. He also said in his last sermon, O people, if I were to take a close friend from the people of the earth, I would have taken Abu Bakr as a close friend, but your companion is the intimate friend of Allah."
14th century · Bosra, Syria
Monumental history Al-Bidāyah wa al-Nihāyah, the world's most widely read Qurʾanic commentary, and the classical Stories of the Prophets.
More on Ibn Kathir →
· Provenance →
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"himself to God while doing good, and follows the way of Ibrahim, inclining toward truth? And God took Ibrahim as a friend. This is an exhortation to follow Ibrahim peace be upon him, for he was upon the straight religion and path, and he fulfilled all that his Lord commanded him. God praised him for that, saying, And Ibrahim who fulfilled, thus God took him as a friend. Friendship is the pinnacle of love, as some say. You have permeated the path of the soul within me, and thus the friend is called a friend. Likewise this status was attained by the seal of the prophets and the master of the messengers, Muhammad, peace"
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"Jundab al-Bajali, Abdullah ibn Amr, and Ibn Mas'ud from the messenger of God, peace and blessings be upon him, who said, O people, God has taken me as a friend. He also said in the last sermon he delivered, O people, if I were to take a close companion from the people of the earth, I would have taken Abu Bakr as a close friend. However, your companion is the friend of Allah. This was recorded from the hadith of Abu Sa'id. It is also established from the hadith of Abdullah ibn Zubayr, Ibn Abbas, and Ibn Mas'ud."
14th century · Bosra, Syria
Monumental history Al-Bidāyah wa al-Nihāyah, the world's most widely read Qurʾanic commentary, and the classical Stories of the Prophets.
More on Ibn Kathir →
· Provenance →
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"al-Balawi, an ally of the Ansar, who said, �The Messenger of Allah has forbidden us from killing you.� With Abu Bakhtari was his companion, Junada ibn Mulaiha. Abu Bakhtari asked, �And my companion?� Al-Mujadhir replied, �By Allah, we will not abandon your companion. The Messenger of Allah commanded us only concerning you.� Abu Bakhtari insisted, �No, by Allah, then I will surely die, both of us together, and the women of Quraysh in Mecca will not say that I abandoned my companion out of a desire for life.� Abu Bakhtari, while confronting al-Mujadhir, recited, �None of noble lineage will abandon his companion"
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