How do I stop caring what people think?
Ibn al-Qayyim wrote that the servant of others is enslaved to the many; the servant of Allah is freed to one. The scholars traced the step-by-step way out of the tyranny of being seen.
10 passages from 5 books in the library
The way out of caring what people think, in the classical sources, is sincerity (ikhlas) — purifying one's intention so that deeds are for Allah alone rather than for an audience. In his Book of Intention, Sincerity, and Truthfulness, al-Ghazali quotes Junayd that "sincerity is purifying the deed from impurities," and warns that sincerity is rare. The remedy is to "rectify their resolve with sincerity… through avoiding everything" that corrupts intention, knowing that on the Day of Judgment "only sincerity is accepted." The cure is therefore inward: when the deed is truly for Allah, the gaze of people loses its grip on the heart.
Drawn from the classical sources below — in the scholars' own words.
The classical approach.
These passages are drawn from 5 books by Imam al-Ghazali, Ibn al-Qayyim, and Imam al-Nawawī — part of the classical Sunni tradition that carries over a thousand years of reflection on the Qurʾān, the authentic Sunnah, and the consensus of the early community. Nothing below is a paraphrase. The words are the scholars' own, translated from the original Arabic manuscripts.
11th–12th century · Ṭūs, Khurāsān
Reviving the inner life of Islam through the Iḥyāʾ ʿUlūm al-Dīn — one of the most influential works ever written in any religious tradition.
More on Imam al-Ghazali →
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"Al-Sousi said: "Sincerity is the absence of seeing sincerity, for anyone who witnesses sincerity in their sincerity needs their sincerity to be sincere. This points to purifying the act from self-admiration, as attention to sincerity itself is vanity and a flaw. The pure is what is free from all flaws. Al-Sahl, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "Sincerity means that the servant's rest and movement are exclusively for Allah."
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"Therefore, one must be vigilant and observant of these subtleties, or risk joining the ranks of the devil's followers without realizing it. Explanations of the Statements of the Elders on Sincerity Al-Sousi said: "Sincerity is the absence of seeing sincerity, for anyone who witnesses sincerity in their sincerity needs their sincerity to be sincere."
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"Sari al-Saqati, may Allah have mercy on him, said, "Performing two units of prayer in solitude with sincerity is better than writing seventy or seven hundred hadith with elevation. Some said, "Sincerity of an hour is salvation for eternity, but sincerity is rare," and it is said, "Knowledge is the seed, action is the planting, and its water is sincerity."
14th century · Damascus, Syria
Madārij al-Sālikīn — the classical map of the spiritual journey — and a vast body of work on the soul, love, the traps of the ego, and the nature of the heart.
More on Ibn al-Qayyim →
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"It is said that if someone sees sincerity in their own sincerity, then their sincerity needs further sincerity. The deficiency of every sincere person in their sincerity is to the extent that they see their own sincerity. When they no longer see it, they become truly sincere. Sincerity is described as the equality of a person's actions in both public and private."
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"Truthfulness involves cleansing oneself from self-admiration. A sincere person has no ostentation, and a truthful person has no self-admiration. Sincerity is not complete without truthfulness, nor is truthfulness complete without sincerity. Both require patience to be complete. It is said that if someone sees sincerity in their own sincerity, then their sincerity needs further sincerity."
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"It is as if he said: the state of sincerity is not attained except after knowing the science of sincerity. Then he defined the reality of sincerity, saying that sincerity does not become upright—in the knowledge of the people of distinction—except... The text discusses the concept of sincerity and truthfulness in one's relationship with اللّٰه."
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""Those who broke their fast today have taken the reward." As for interpretative concessions based on differences in schools of thought and opinions that may be right or wrong, taking them is considered idleness and contradicts sincerity. §§U0007§§ Chapter: The third degree is sincerity in understanding sincerity. True sincerity, according to the people of distinction, is achieved when the pleasure of the Truth aligns with the servant's actions, state, or time, along with the servant's certainty and intention."
13th century · Nawā, Syria
The Forty Hadith, Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn, and the most widely read commentary on Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim — all produced in a life that lasted barely forty-four years.
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"A sincere person has no ostentation, and a truthful person has no self-admiration. Abu Yaqub al-Susi, may God be pleased with him, noted that when people witness sincerity in their sincerity, it requires a new level of sincerity. Dhu al-Nun, may God be pleased with him, identified three signs of sincerity, the equality of praise and blame from common people, forgetting the visibility of deeds amidst the deeds, and seeking the reward of deeds in the hereafter."
11th–12th century · Ṭūs, Khurāsān
Reviving the inner life of Islam through the Iḥyāʾ ʿUlūm al-Dīn — one of the most influential works ever written in any religious tradition.
More on Imam al-Ghazali →
· Provenance →
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"and that harm and benefit are in Allah's hands alone, with no one else to cause either. Whoever seeks the people's approval while earning Allah's anger will incur Allah's wrath and their animosity. Indeed, people's approval is an unattainable goal, so seeking Allah's approval is more worthy of our pursuit. Al-Shafi'i once said to Yunus ibn Abd al-A'la, "By Allah, I speak to you with nothing but sincerity: there is no way to be safe from people's talk."
14th century · Damascus, Syria
Madārij al-Sālikīn — the classical map of the spiritual journey — and a vast body of work on the soul, love, the traps of the ego, and the nature of the heart.
More on Ibn al-Qayyim →
· Provenance →
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"All three categories are obligatory. Sincerity is essential, and the difference between sincerity and truthfulness is that a servant has both an objective and a pursuit. Sincerity involves unifying one's objective, while truthfulness involves unifying one's pursuit. Sincerity means the objective is not divided, and truthfulness means the pursuit is not divided."
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